How To Bring Your Desires To Life (& Overcome Fear’s Seduction)

As I stepped off the stage after giving the opening talk, a woman from the audience ran up to me and said, “Bernadette! You’re fabulous! I want you to apply for a TEDx Talk!”

Her words added to the music of my heartbeat thudding in my ears. Was this real? Did I really just speak on stage and receive a roaring standing ovation? Did she really just invite me to go for yet another one of my dreams?

I wanted to pinch myself. Yes, this was very real, I quietly reminded myself. And then I couldn’t help but let out an inner shriek of celebration, “YOU DID IT WOMAN!! YAY YOUUUU!!”

You see, speaking on big stages had been a dream of mine. But I had been terrified to do it. Would I fumble and look like an idiot? What if I forgot what I wanted to say? Did I have enough letters after my name for people to listen to me? 

I was so consumed with what could go wrong that I wasn’t able to think about the possibility of it going well.

The biggest thing that held me back was fear. But it wasn't a healthy fear that looks out for my safety and tells me what to do or not to do because I could literally get hurt.

No…the fear that seduced me was unhealthy fear. It was False Evidence Appearing Real, for the purpose of keeping me small, stagnant and ‘safe’ inside my comfort zone. This fear kept me from reaching for my dream and taking the leap to speak. 

For a while, this fear was really sexy. “Hey babe,” it whispered to me, “Let’s stay in. Let’s cuddle. Why go out and do that thing when it’s easier to stay in here under the blankets with me?

But one morning, as I lay in bed feeling the familiar heart palpitations as I thought about speaking, I asked myself, “Is this real? Or is this False Evidence Appearing Real?”

I realized in that moment that I’d been letting fear seduce me, but no more. It was time for me to take the leap and as Nike says, Just Do It. 

I knew it wasn’t about doing it right or doing it well at this point. It was about being willing to be in action towards my dream, and no longer allowing fear to seduce me into staying small. 

So I started doing live videos on social media and looking for opportunities to be on other people’s podcasts and stages. I said yes to every invitation I received. 

I also invested in professional support (through WomanSpeak, founded by KC Baker) so I could hone my natural skills and get more assistance with not letting fear hold me back ever again. ‘Cause the truth is, the more you go for your dreams and desires, the sexier fear can become.

“You don’t really want that, do ya babe?” Unhealthy fear would say as I considered another invitation to speak. “Maybe you’re not ready for that. Come back to bed with me instead where it’s cozy and warm. Let’s just lay here with each other under the covers. We know this territory.”

But I’d finally reached the point where the tug of my desire was stronger than the tug of fear. And I whispered back to the unhealthy fear, “Baby, I’ve got this. And the Universe has my back. We’re gonna be okay.”

After that, fear’s power dissolved. And my dreams started coming true! I started receiving invitations to be a keynote speaker at large in-person events as well as to participate in online summits with large global organizations like The Shift Network. I’ve spoken on stages to upwards of a thousand people and been interviewed on over a hundred podcasts and radio shows. I’ve even been interviewed on television (including NBC) not just once but three times and counting. And a TEDx Talk is in my future.

So, my dear, if fear has been holding you back from going for your dreams and desires, ask yourself the question, “Is this healthy fear or unhealthy fear?”

If it’s unhealthy fear, have a conversation with it like I did. Say to it, “Baby, I’ve got this. And the Universe has my back. We’re gonna be okay.”

If you’re interested in getting support with overcoming fear so you can bring your desires to life, I invite you to consider working with me. I’d be honored to assist you in seducing your dreams to life.

Click here to find out more about Coaching with Bernadette.

Do you have a dream of speaking on (virtual) stages to larger audiences? If so:

Click here to join us for a WomenSpeak Circle.